...with my good eye closed...

“Can I buy you a drink?” He repeated, this time his face beginning to blush.

My betting line was taking much longer than usual. I wasn’t so sure who to hate more. The woman at the counter, with her orange-pink hair that matched her pink-orange press-on fingernails…or each fat, balding, cigar-smoking better clogging up the line. Two minutes until post time, the man directly in front of me, spending an eternity on placing his bet, continued to wave his stubby arms while adjusting his thick glasses and reinserting his non-lit cigar nub back into his mouth every 3 seconds.

I found myself drowning my thoughts with the guitar solo from Soundgarden’s “Good Eye Closed.” When the music flows from my mp3 player, into my ears, into my brain, and throughout my bloodstream, it’s a drug I enjoy.

I enjoy riding away from reality…envisioning scenarios of absolute absurdity. Motion Picture Epic clips…the ceiling collapsing, perhaps.

I check the rafters. Steel. Pity. Steel is faily firm.

Refocus, Fat man still waving…cigar still unlit...

A flood. All the money floating from the cash registers…coins sinking…the unaware, and drunk, lingering on the bottom…me, floating and pocketing wet hundreds at the top…

He appeared out of nowhere, tapping me on the shoulder, saying something.

I rip out my headphones, “I’m sorry, what?”

“Can I buy you a drink?” He repeated, this time his face beginning to blush.

“No, thanks. I never touch the shit.” I replied automatically, while turning back to see it was finally my turn to bet. Miss Orange-pink waiting almost impatiently, “Thanks, anyhow.” I said while I took a step forward, “I’ll take $10 on the 1 to win.”

As I reached the last set of double doors at the racetrack, a thought hit me. Like a Mac Truck to a Chevy Luv on the freeway a midnight. In the rain. Going downhill without brakes on black ice.

He asked to buy me a drink. I’ve never so much as talked with the guy a day in my life. Why would I? He was this zillionaire horse owner, trainer, driver…I was just a handicapper. I mean, it was cool and everything, that he was trying to talk with me…but why would he care if I was thirsty or not?

A photo finish. Damn it! Why would there have to be so many photo finishes when it’s 2 degrees outside, pouring down rain? As I watched the instant replay of the finish, I clearly saw I won. I opted to return to Soundgarden and images of catastrophic fun. Looking around for structural weaknesses or other causes for calamity, I saw him through one of the windows. Smiling and raising his glass at me, I wondered how long I had been staring in his direction without noticing him. Instantly I was aware of the contrast, him sitting amidst all of the beautiful women and successful men…the skimpy dresses and 3 piece suits…the ambient lighting and energy-efficient heaters…HDTV’s and booming house music…

Me: blinking in the misty rain while wiping my nose with my glove. I waved back.

“It’s official,” is echoed on the steely speakers overlooking the winner’s circle…myself and a couple of fat, balding men slowly walk back to our eternal line from before. Miss Orange-Pink has been replaced by an elderly woman with a wig so black, it could be imagined a black cat fell asleep on her head, having been drawn to her from an uncontrollable attraction to her blinking fake gold lucky dice earrings.

“With my good eye closed,”…the realization of his encounter resurfacing to my puzzled mind…escaping again…I see the building fill with water…coins and drunks to the bottom…hundreds and me, scrambling atop…

but this time…also afloat...atop…smiling…warm…him…waving me over…

The New York Yankees 2009 Spending Spree: The Quintessential Duct Tape Mouth Gag Response to Lack of MLB Parity

You gotta love the fights within Major League Baseball. I mean, hell, this ain't hockey. No one expects a professional ballplayer to just haul off and deck some mouthy batsman. Then again, we relish the moment it happens...

....You could always count on Kyle to flex some muscle...after all...when you can't find the strike zone with a 100+mph fastball...people begin to get edgy...fastballs whiffin past their heads...I dunno...kinda rude. But hell. That's why they wear helmets, right?

PARITY WITHIN MLB.

Ohdearjesus.

If i hear ONE MORE whining band-wagoner of the Pittsburgh Pirates scream FOUL over the Yankees' recent spending, I will literally hurl.

Now, we all know, the actual term isn't to be referred to. Not in recent days. Yes, yesteryear the term "parity," was used...but...as of the SELIG REGIME, one must appropriately apply the words "competitive balance," to any conversation, written or otherwise, when talking parity.

So, the shite hit the fan. The Yankees bought every single last free agent on the planet and spent a zillion dollars and are thereby destroying major league baseball via their big pockets, monopolizing, and extortion...causing "poorer," teams to disintegrate into a quad-rillion chunks of molten metal, flying through the atmosphere, never to be heard from again...



The evil empire attacking poor Alderaan.

Well, i submit to you: get over your personal hate of the Yankees for just long enough to be intelligent. Inasmuch as I enjoy a passionate argument just like the next guy, an unintelligent-passionate argument is just plain stupid. If you're going to have passion, apply it aptly. Keep your wits about you.

The concept that the New York Yankees have been successful in buying championships has long since been disproved. Thank God. As a Yankee fan, witnessing year after year after year, the mismanagement of the acquisitions, the whittling away of our possible prospects, and the collection of has-been free agents; I wholeheartedly applaud Tampa Bay for demonstrating: THE LITTLE GUY CAN FLOURISH.

(yeah. when you lose eternally, you get HELLA TIGHT DRAFT PICKS, HONEY, and can make the post-season, eventually.)

I digress.

PARITY.

IS THE SPENDING OF THE NEW YORK YANKEES EQUATING TO A DIMINISHED EQUALITY OF COMPETITIVENESS WITHIN MLB?

let's review some of the facts together, shall we?

Since 1995, ALL BUT 6 TEAMS HAVE MADE IT BEYOND THE ALDS/NLDS AND HAVE APPEARED IN EITHER THE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES OR THE WORLD SERIES.

ALL BUT 6.

In the ENTIRE LEAGUE.

Of those 6...many issues revolved around team ownership, or management...but...money, or lack of money by no means was the PRIMARY REASON for failure-to-thrive.

What other sport can declare that nearly every team within their entire league has made a post-season appearance within 13 seasons?

There is only 1 World Series winner who had a payroll over $100 MILLION DOLLARS:

THE BOSTON RED SOX.

Twice.

Clearly...there is more than 1 team who has spent over $100 MILLION DOLLARS, in order to make the playoffs and/or win the World Series.

Fact is: there are 7.

NYY: 01, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06, 07
BOS: 04, 05, 07, 08
LAA: 04, 05, 07, 08
CHI: 08
NYM: 06
LAD: 08
CHC: 08

TEAMS WHO SPENT OVER $100 MILLION DOLLARS AND DID NOT MAKE THE PLAYOFFS IN THE YEAR THEY SPENT OVER $100 MILLION DOLLARS:

BOS: 01,02
ATL: 08
NYM: 03, 05, 07, 08
SEA: 07, 08
LAD: 01, 03, 07
CHI: 06, 07
DET: 08

TEAMS WHO SPENT OVER $200 MILLION DOLLARS AND DID NOT MAKE THE PLAYOFFS IN THE YEAR THEY SPENT OVER $200 MILLION DOLLARS:

NYY: 08

TEAMS WHO NEVER, IN THE HISTORY OF THEIR TEAM PAYROLL, EVER SPENT $100 MILLION DOLLARS AND, IN FACT, DID MAKE THE PLAYOFFS IN THE LAST 10 YEARS:

STL: 00, 01, 02, 04, 05, 06
ARI: 99, 01, 02, 07
CLE: 99, 01, 07
FLA: 03
HOU: 99, 01, 04, 05
MIL: 08
MIN: 02, 03, 04, 06
OAK: 00, 01, 02, 03, 06
PHI: 07, 08
SDP: 05, 06
SFG: 00, 02, 03
COL: 07
TBR: 08

Wow..based on this evidence...OUTSPENDING BY NO MEANS IS OUT-COMPETING.

...And, we ARE talking about "competitive balance within the MLB," right?

Because we certainly cannot simply be espousing some emotional anti-Yankee TOO MUCH SPENDING/DESTROYING THE LEAGUE diatribe to the whole world in response to the Yankees' acquiring Sabathia, Burnett, and Teixeira, right?

(A cute little side note to the Yankee-haters: uh...even IF the Yankees hauled off and picked up Manny, they'd STILL be SPENDING LESS IN 2009 THAN THEY SPENT IN 2008.)

I submit to you, the pesky Oakland Athletics have opted to NEVER raise their payroll to $100 MILLION DOLLARS,and they have made the playoffs 5 times. Those pesky Cardinals have also showed up in Ooctober 6 times in 9 years; without spending even half of what the Yankees spend.

IF the contention of all the Yankee-hatin' NO-PARITY-IN-MLB-OH-GOOD-GOD-GIVE-US-A-SALARY-CAP-LORD-SELIG is correct...and spending increases competitive imbalance...then please explain to me HOW the St. Louis Cardinals have managed to appear in the playoffs WITHOUT EVER SPENDING $100 MILLION DOLLARS, EVER, ON THEIR PAYROLL---> 6 TIMES in the last 10 years?

Please show me the clear evidence that exists to differentiate SPENDING=COMPETITIVE IMBALANCE when the mean differential between SPENDING divided by PLAYOFF APPEARANCES between a NON-SPENDER and the HIGHEST SPENDER is 1.

Since 1999: St. Louis spent less than $100 MILLION DOLLARS and made 6 playoff appearances.

The Yankees have repeatedly out-spent the entire league every year since 1999, and have made merely 7 playoff appearances, by contrast.

There are 7 teams who have spent over $100 MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR, who amassed 14 failed seasons, never even securing a position within the post season.

Conversely, there are 13 teams who have NEVER SPENT OVER $100 MILLION DOLLARS, EVER, who, over the last 10 years, amassed 37 playoff appearances.

It is an unintelligent argument to contend that consistent competitiveness and spending are related.

I would suggest, based on the overwhelming evidence, that the opposite be true. In order to be consistently competitive within the MLB and to secure a post season position, NEVER SPEND OVER $100 MILLION DOLLARS.

...Then again...I could be wrong...

A salary cap is NOT the answer for the MLB. The Players Association would NEVER allow it, we'd have a strike, and Selig knows full well how much money would be on the line.

I don't believe the league is unequally competitive, based on the achievements of nearly all teams. I do, however, believe many team owners and/or CEO'S are highly irresponsible, apathetic, and greedy, when it comes to seeking further growth and profit for their team and it's players.

If I were to suggest any remedy for teams with less financial aptitude: I would suggest an adjustment of the revenue sharing and luxury taxes, HOWEVER: it would only make sense to do so with an enforced stipulation from team owners and management, that they be held accountable for re-investing those monies back into draft bonuses, player development, and payroll. And NOT to be used to line their own pockets while their team remains in ruin and ineffectuality.

“Jealousy is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius.” - Fulton J. Sheen.