Friday, March 28, 2014

how can i explain what's in my heart?  how can i possibly try to convey concepts that seem to elude most people?

i dunno.  there's like this gateway to my heart and soul.  few are those who walk that path, and little is that which sinks into my core...  but when the doors open, my entire being embraces them.

i heard bruno mars song "locked out of heaven," today and thought about the first time i heard it and how i was stressing the ending of the Sharks season last year and worried about the playoffs.  and it hit me.  i was the girl totally immersed in baseball.  what was happening to me with regard to this thing known as hockey?

and i realized.  baseball is ...oh my god, i love it. is heaven.  it is.  and all these years of loving baseball have been groovy...but hockey...oh my...there was something so much deeper in me that just loved it even more.

and i...i had been locked out of heaven...for too long.

like being in love.  you wake up and the one you love is the first one on your mind.  all day long you think of your moments obsess over thought after another.  and people around you can see how fulfilled you are because of this...

and...i had truly fallen deeply in love with hockey.

this year, it's my all.  every single Sharks game, i have seen.  every single morning when i woke up, i smiled and wondered about them...and i missed seeing them and couldn't wait to see them again...

and anyone who did them wrong, i wanted to see suffer.

and in my heart, i know the end is coming.  i know, even if they were to win it all, the season will end.  but that's not right now.

and i am enjoying laying my heart and hopes on the line for these boys i have spent the last couple of years with...hands over eyes, jumping off the couch in screams of joy...calling friends and talking hockey...seeing a sea of Sharks fans last night...draped in their jerseys...coming to see the boys i love...the team i love...the team that thrills me..

and sometimes i wonder if its normal to feel this much passion about a game...a team...

but you know, ive been fairly abnormal most of my life, and damnit, i can love what i want to love.

and tomorrow i will wake up and check the standings.  and i will be on my knees praying.  and i will be amazed when they do something phenomenal...eyes wide open, smiling, laughing.  i will drink from this cup of love deeply...

for...just like the passion we share with the one we love...none of it seems to make sense at the time...but the joy...the moments...the fulfillment...the pure's why you put everything in it.

me?  hockey?  consider me all in.