Thursday, December 09, 2004

the mall

I've been in a Pink Floyd mood all day...and I'm so diggin it. This morning I brought out the NagChampa and lit up with old Pink and me... It was rockin'. I'm so diggin on having electricity too.

I spoke with one guy about my whole electrocution theory of the PG&E dudes...and he suggested touching the dude on the nose with a light bulb...if it lights up, then don't be doing CPR. I laughed my ass off.

I love it when not only do people get the weird shit I trip on, but they push the envelope well into the weirdestphere.

I had to go to the fucking mall last night. I don't know for certain, but I'm guessing that I would serve less time in prison for murder than the lines I endured. I becomes laughable. Where the hell do some of these people come from? I mean...I don't do lines well ANYWHERE. I'm just not a consumer. It's so uninteresting...keeping up with society's trends...I have more of a desire to eat cat food. And so, what's the deal with people all thinking that just because you are in line near them, y'all are like BEST FUCKING FRIENDS, now? This man is all asking my opinion about his choice of powder blue fucking 100 percent polyester sweatsuit...

"You will look like a fucking walking easter egg,"

I mean, goddamn! SWEATSUIT? What the hell is up with that? Is he like actually influenced by that little post-pubescent, Brittney? Cause, KORN don't wear powder fucking blue. And...this man was no where near lookin to work up a sweat, except for when he has to lift his lardy ass off the couch to grab his extra large bag of pork rinds and diet beer.

And so then...he's all deciding he DOESN'T WANT THE FUCKING POWDER BLUE. like he decides to NOW DO HIS SHOPPING. The girl is all ready to ring up his shit, and he says, "Oh, wait just one minute..."

Uh huh.

After he passes by us, murmuring godonlyknowswhat, like 3 times...I realize I am in hell. The girl at the register then begins to engage other people in line in some sort of forced monologue about how cute her boyfriend was eating french fries earlier. I then began to wonder if this was all like that MTV show where you LOSE $100.00, if you CUSS or get mad. So, I'm all like, I will not react. I'm gonna just hang...

And so Mr. Polyester passes by to ask Ms. French Fry a question, but she is so caught up in her stupid boring story, that Mr. Polyester walks away again. I look behind me, and there are two Japanese women. Oh, they will be NO FUCKING HELP AT ALL in the RIOT I INTEND TO INCITE! They just stood in perfect posture and smiled kindly. JESUS! How is that possible?

And this went on just long enough for the people in the OTHER LINE to all clear away. Then, some shit comes from nowhere and butts up to the front of the other line and GETS INSTANT FUCKING SERVICE...I mean, WHAT? And he's all, "Oh, were you all in line..?" And, OF FUCKING COURSE, THE JAPANESE WOMEN BLURT OUT, "No, go ahead."

No? NO?! NO...DON'T YOU DO NO SUCH THING! WE WERE, ARE, AND WILL FOREVER BE IN THIS LINE! Well...after imagining all the animals, faces, and body parts I could possibly imagine out of the ceiling tiles, I decided $100.00 isn't worth SHIT TO ME.

Well...Mr. Polyester got his last item...Ms. French Fry laughed her final stupid nasal giggle, and the Japanese women had long since switched lines, having grown impatient with MY line. I, however, lasted to the bitter end.

Mr. Polyester tripped on a fallen bra on the way to the escalator, he looked around, bent a little to pick it up, had momentary contact with said bra, then freaked out and drop/kicked out of sight...

I know God allowed me to see that particular moment of Mr. Polyester's a reward for my patience....and it was worth every fucking moment.


Bytheway...the Japanese women were kept in line by security for some reason...ain't that somethin? hahahaha....