"God d-mn it! That was a f---ing ball?!"
This is the story about Todd Tichenor's first four ejections of 2009.
I was outside on my patio yesterday morning...talking on the phone about the game...sipping a Red Bull...watching through the glass door...when I beheld a rukus...
It appeared that Jason Varitek was having an issue with the strike zone NOT being called in his favor, which I found amusing.
Inasmuch as Varitek has been exceedingly brilliant in calling for outside pitches which no batter in their right mind would swing at, Varitek has also mastered the feat of framing said pitches to the exact "sweet spot," of the strike zone (within nano-seconds of catching them) thus causing the umpires to call them for strikes.
Sometimes this framing-effect requires a readjustment of several inches...but Varitek is an ace...a Master of the Grand Illusion...In fact, I'm fairly certain Jason Varitek was a zillionairre pick-pocket in another life...where he was probably also a cross-dresser...but I digress...
"God d-mn it! That was a f---ing ball?!"
One would think if Jason Varitek uttered these words at the officiating umpire, he would be ejected. Well, he was ejected. But Jason Varitek didn't utter these words...
One would think if Terry Francona uttered these words at the officiating umpire, he would be ejected. Well, he was also ejected. But he, also, did not utter these words...
In fact, let's just haul off and toss in a couple of them guys from the Minnesota Twins and eject them, too.
Let's say one of those guys could be Mike Redmond, catcher for the Twins, and let's just say Redmond opted to toss out a few choice words at the officiating umpire...
Words like "I got his arm."
OUT.
And let's wrap it all up neatly into a neat little package of Redmond's manager, Ron Gardenhire, simply inquiring why his catcher was ejected, by asking "Why did you eject him?"
OUT.
It all really started off with Dustin Pedroia. "Mr. Woodland, California," hit a fly ball to right fielder Jason Kubel, who immediately threw it home. Redmond caught the ball and clearly tagged Jeff Bailey, who attempted to slide his arm in at the last second. Tichenor called Bailey safe.
Crew chief Jerry Layne: "I just looked at our replay and it's inconclusive."
Jeff Bailey: "There's no question a tag was made. Did I get my hand in there first? I really can't tell."
Mike Redmond: "I thought I got him at home and that's it. I just said, 'I got his arm.' I didn't swear at him or anything. In 11 years in the big leagues, I've done a lot worse out there and stayed in the game. I didn't expect to get thrown out. I didn't touch him or anything."
Vice president of umpiring Mike Port said he watched some of the game at his office in New York, but he did not feel comfortable commenting on Tichenor's performance until he was able to watch the events, then read Tichenor's report and review the ejections.
Uh huh.
Well then...you may ask...who the hell uttered the words:
"God d-mn it! That was a f---ing ball?!"
"God d-mn it! That was a f---ing ball?!"
Why, I reply:
Mister Josh You-Can't-Eject-Me-Cause-Clearly-I-Have-Diplomatic-Immunity-From-Ever-Being-Ejected-Even-If-I-Curse-The-Very-God-You-Refer-To-On-Your-Printed-Currency-and-Whom-You-Pray-To-When-The-Chips-Are-Down-In-Fact-I-Can-Take-Head-Shots-To-Bobby-Abreu-Whenever-The-Hell-I-Want-And-Still-Stay-In-The-Game Beckett, himself.
All four ejections occured in the seventh inning of the Boston Red Sox at Minnesota Twins game yesterday, at the discretion of Home Plate Umpire Todd Tichenor.
These are the 48th, 49th, 50th, and 51st ejections within MLB for 2009. There have been roughly 48 games played this year.
