Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Introducing another possibility entirely for tomorrow's game against the evil Texas faction at Yankee Stadium, in the form of a pitcher.

Brian Gordon may very well be replacing Bartolo Colon tomorrow. Uh huh. Sure, we've speculated; Noesi? Phelps? D.J. Mitchell? Our boy Manny Banuelos?

But, the Brass have announced this most recent signing of Gordon from the Philadelphia Phillies minor league affilliate, the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs.

Uh huh. the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs. Associated with the evil and smarmy Philadelphia Phillies. Kinda makes you wonder how close the Phillies ever were to being known as the Philadelphia Philly Valley Pigs. But, that's neither here nor there. Some labels need not be in writing...

The haters will basically describe this transaction as one where the Yankees broke into Gordon's little home and terrorized him and made him sign a contract. Uh huh. Like a Pitching Acquisition Home Invasion. Uh huh.

Well, I've read where Pitching Acquisition Home Invasions happen all the time. But generally they occur in the Japan Industrial League...And I do believe those Pitching Acquisition Home Invasions usually involve wontons. Uh huh. Wontons...and nunchucks. Now, I haven't read anything about this most recent signing of Gordon with the Yankees having anything to do with neither wontons nor nunchucks, so shut the shit up all you Philadelphia Valley Pig Yankee haters out there, got me?

The New York Yankees ain't the Japanese Industrial League.

The haters will tell you how Gordon was kidnapped against his will from his beloved evil Iron Pig team within the benevolent and hermetically sealed womb of the Phillies minor league detention center for the perpetually inept; and forced him to actually agree to receive money for his services...and possibly an ongoing opportunity to pitch in the Majors for the most successful team in the history of the game of baseball...

God, how cruel and unusual. Get Amnesty International on the phone...

or would it be better to call the S.P.C.A.??

As a converted outfielder, Gordon pitched in 2007 and 2008 posting some kickass stats: 168 Games, 366.2 Innings, with a 3.09 ERA, with a 1.156 WHIP, 2.1 BB/9, and a 7.7 K/9. In 2008, however, Gordon was forced to align himself with the evil Texas faction.

(Ironic, isn't it?? We're facing Texas with the very "sloppy seconds," with whom they had zero interest in developing)

...hell no...not when they can chase down Cliff "Primadonna Elitist Bitch" Lee...

(whom they no longer have as he went to the evil Phillies after we pretty much laid our Texas Hold Em cards down with Lee stating we didn't want him)

(and poor evil Texas couldn't afford to keep him, or so they say, so the bitch ran off to the Phillies)

(and then skip ahead a few months and here we are to today: taking this guy Gordon from the Phillies and cartin' him back to face the evil Texas faction.)

yep: it all began with Texas. That's irony. Texas irony. The kind with tabakka and spurs.)

So far in 2011, Gordon with the Iron Pigs has had outrageously good numbers, 5-0 with a 1.14 ERA in 12 games, nine of them starts. He had 56 strikeouts and just seven walks.

Noesi, conversely, has 1-1 with a 3.92 ERA in four starts for Scranton/Wilkes-Barre and is 1-0 with a 1.76 ERA in four long-relief appearances. And Phelps is 4-4 with a 2.95 ERA in 12 starts in the minors.

Now, inasmuch as I would love to see my boy Noesi take the mound on Thursday, I still see this Gordon signing as a good move on the part of the Yankees. It enables the organization to continue developing our prospects, as well as maintaining a zero-risk relationship with Gordon, as he is utter and complete DFA material if he does poorly. Thus, in essence, we're buying time and protecting our prospects and their futures...

Yes, it may appear as though the Brass have opted to overlook the prospects and went 'a-shopping,' for someone 'better;' however, in reality, if our kids got injured or shelled, their futures could be severely impacted.

(Can anyone say Chase Wright?)

Gordon basically has no future, presently, with the Phillies, as a career minor leaguer...and now has an opportunity to step up and show the world what he's got.

And let me tell you, ain't nothin sweeter, I theorize, than to be just hangin out with your fellow Iron Pigmen on some idle Tuesday and to receive a call saying, "You may be pitching at Yankee Stadium on Thursday, get mentally prepared."

I theorize he got on a plane. Puts a whole new spin on the phrase, "When pigs fly."