Monday, March 19, 2007

the king, the queen, and the pizza.

many moons lazy evening, i was kickin back...just hangin on my back patio. and, yeah, it was my birthday...
i remember i had had a busy week...and i was kinda diggin on the idea of just sittin, watchin the sunset, and sippin on my vodka and oj.
(there's alot of drinking mentioned in this story. make sure to read my footnote thereafter.)
(for the record: it was an egregious act on my part to drink and drive...that would be one decision i would make differently today.) friend mary is all yellin over my fence...she's thrilled about something...and so i invite her over...
i theorize this is where the mischeif began.
mary informs me she had JUST closed the deal on the sale of this hugeass mansion on the outskirts of davis. and the dude to whom she made the deal was some dude somehow associated with the sacramento kings.
which meant not one godamned thing to me.
being a semi-intoxicated yankee fan.
so yeah...and then...well...i seem to recall...i was pretty done with the vodka. so i suggested we celebrate...her sale, my birthday...and we opt to go get more vodka.
i drove.
mary had this kickass convertable...porsche...maybe something else...dunno.
but the sucker was hella powerful...and SHE WAS WILLING TO LET ME WIND THAT BABY OUT. so...first thing i do is get some music this semi-Thelma-and-Lousie moment...i opted for Billy Idol's White Wedding.
and so it began. and the music...and the summer sun setting...and we are doin triple digits on the I-80...
she's tellin me about the house. mary's all going into how this place has like an attic AND a basement...and she was makin it sound amazing. i was all, "dude. you MUST show me..." and she was all, "well, we haven't exchanged the keys yet...i guess we COULD..." and i was hella thrilled.
some short time later, mary and i were sippin our drinks on the front lawn of this bigass mansion and laughin our asses off at everything.
and...after a while, we opted to finally go inside.
and this place WAS amazing. it was massive. i mean the rooms were hella huge...and they all had like these massive closets...and yeah...the attic and the basement and different stairs off the kitchen and formal living room..
i seem to recall it was at that point i became hungry. i remember sayin we should order a pizza.
and so...i remember somehow mary ordered the pizza...and we would have to hang there for another half hour...
and then we were gonna bail before we get arrested for breaking and entering or something...
so...i suggested we play hide and go seek...
and mary hid
and i just kinda forgot my role in the game...
and then i remember us wondering where the pizza was...
and mary suggested i go hide
so i did.
i was in this one bedroom closet up the stairs off to the far left...
and i was laughin and talkin to myself.
then i decided i should shut the hell up...
and i was like, "dude. she's not gonna look for me..." but, i knew mary...she would.
so i hid again.
but i remember i sat there for a while. so i layed flat on my back...on the floor of the pitch black closet...and i decided i should HELP MARY OUT WITH FINDING i began to sing Bohemian Rhapsody...
and i was laugin and doin all the voices...and singin like LOUD...hella loud, actually...
i got to about the "i'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me" part...
the closet door slowly opens.
instantly i behold what had to be THE TALLEST BLACK MAN I EVER DONE SAW.
and he's lookin at me layin on the floor
and i said, "dude. did you bring the pizza?"
literally. was a king or a friend of a king or someone.
and apparently mary had informed this guy and his friend we were there...and that's why she wasn't lookin for me...and they all thought it would be hella fun for him to confront me
as i was worried about us becoming hella criminals, trespassing, felonious mischief...and whateverelse the d.a. could nail us on...
i dunno
i seem to recall eatin the pizza...shootin some hoops...and then i woke up safely at home.
the next day i was tryin to remember everything that had transpired...and i was wondering if we had been as wasted as i thought...
i walked toward mary's apartment and beheld her was taking up 3 parking spots.
and it remained that way the entire day.
many morals to that story
if you're gonna trespass in a tall black mans house...and he just so happens to be a king...don't be messin around in his walk-in singin queen.
happy monday all
According to data from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA), in 2005, 16,885 people were killed in alcohol-related crashes - an average of one almost every half-hour. These deaths constituted approximately 39 percent of the 43,443 total traffic fatalities.
This is a slight decrease from 2004, when 16,919 people were killed in alcohol-related traffic crashes, representing 39 percent of the 42,836 people killed in all traffic crashes.Nationally, alcohol-related fatalities are fairly flat, down .2% from 16,919 to 16,885 and fatalities involving a driver at or above a .08 were down 1.2% from 13,099 to 12,945.